This world is moving at a rapid pace and the demands of our daily responsibilities can often overshadow or hinder our ability to embrace true joy in the moment. We thoroughly enjoyed reading the article If You Really Want to Be Happy, Stop Telling Yourself (& Believing) These 5 Lies, written for YourTango.com by Cynthia Ackrill, MD. While the content in this article is incredibly valuable, we’d never dream of telling you what to do. So instead, we’re sharing our favorite takeaways and encouraging you to decide for yourself which advice you hold close or let go of. Happy reading!

True Joy

The Merriam-Webster dictionary presents joy as both a noun and a verb: it’s the emotion evoked by well-being, success, or good fortune, or by the prospect of possessing what one desires. It’s also a state of happiness or felicity. As a verb, joy is to experience great pleasure or delight – to rejoice! There are many synonyms for joy, including blessedness, blissfulness, happiness, delight, glory, and many others…but one stands out to us – triumph.

According to the author of the article, “everyone wants happiness and joy in their lives but stress, negative thinking, and limiting beliefs can sometimes get in the way of finding that. True joy — that deep, heartfelt feeling that comes from a connection to purpose, people, or the world around us — is the ultimate stress antidote.” 

This is why triumph is such a powerful word. People who consider themselves happy have learned to deal with stress by triumphing over the negative stories that often attempt to control the narrative and derail their path to a joyous life. How do they do this? By effectively using a stress management technique allowing them to challenge their automatic (and negative) thoughts more often. Below, we examine five of the common negative thoughts listed in the article and how to triumph over them.

We Don’t Deserve It

If a loved one was about to embark on the trip of a lifetime but was stressed about taking time away from their family and work, would you tell them “you don’t deserve to take the trip?” Probably not! Sometimes the best thing you can do is apply your own advice to your own life. You will always have a choice: “kill your joy with unrealistic expectations” or “think and behave in ways that will create more joy.”

We Shouldn’t Indulge In it – It Won’t Last

Just like a mountain, what goes up also comes down. The same applies to joy. It can be a fleeting experience but that’s why it’s so important to acknowledge it, savor, and treasure every joyous moment. As Ackrill writes, “you have to teach your brain to pay attention to the feeling; it came pre-wired to scan for negative. Focusing on joy will actually make you stronger and will help you withstand the many challenges inherent in real life, which is much more effective than constantly surveying the world for dropping shoes. Gratitude is an excellent way to start.” This is spot on and we couldn’t have said it any better. Let’s try this out, shall we? We’ll start by expressing our gratitude for the eloquent way Ackrill writes about joy and our ability to share her teachings with our sphere.

We Can’t Have Joy Until…

Notice your expectations surrounding happiness or accomplishment and challenge yourself to determine if they are too rigid. Would you consider it delayed gratification? If you’ve attached too many rules to your emotions, it can hinder your ability to focus on finding joy. Ackrill shares that “emotions are complex, can co-exist (grief/joy), and interplay with our thinking and our physiology. They have helped us survive (danger, fear-move!) and exist in the community. They can wreak havoc on our health and happiness when given too much reign.”

It stands to reason that the best way out of a challenge is to set your intention on finding (and letting in) the joy and the light around you. It may even feed your creativity and help you make more meaningful connections that will in turn help you broaden your perspective. All of these skills will help you in your pursuit of happiness.

Our Joy Depends on Someone/Something Else

When someone is joyous, it’s often contagious and can make us feel elated. The same should be said for empathy for the pain of others – when they suffer, we should ask ourselves what actions we can take to make the world a better place. The key is to not settle. Ackrill reminds us that “service to others can be a powerful source of joy, and we are healthier when we have multiple ways to create joy.” This is a powerful message because it encourages us to focus on solutions rather than pain, and therefore triumph over the negative emotions that can dull our joy. As we mentioned above, joy and grief can co-exist. What matters is how we respond emotionally and act.

The key takeaway is to not try to control every situation or others’ behaviors. This will only lead to frustration. You are and always will be the only keeper of your own joy.

We Can’t Focus on Joy If We Are Serious About Our Competitive Edge

Joy should complement your pursuit of meaningful achievement and growth. If you train yourself to acknowledge and appreciate moments of joy, you will “actually reinforce the brain circuitry, making you more resilient and moving you forward.”

Finding and Creating Joy is a Stress-Mastery Skill

As our blog comes to an end, we’d like to leave you with some mindfulness practices encouraged by Ackrill. “For the next few weeks, ask yourself and maybe your family members):

• Where did I find joy today?

• What am I grateful for right now?

• What did I do or think that made joy more accessible?

Once you learn how to manage stress, you can start exercising your brain’s joy circuitry and build your resilience muscles!” If you found this helpful and would like to find more resources from Cynthia Ackrill, MD, you can read her own blog here.

Until next time!